Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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