Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
