Umm I'm too high to move.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
