i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
