Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
