We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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