goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
