Me. At least after what I've been through.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were trust falling into bushes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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