Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
