Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
