I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
