I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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