i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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