The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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