i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
