Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We have started to decorate penises.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
