Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
