Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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