I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
