Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
