I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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