I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
