He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You ruined the universe
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
