Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize