How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
