I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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