dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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