I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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