So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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