You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
