you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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