Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
