Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
