Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
