thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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