Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
