Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Someone signed my nipple.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
