apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize