For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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