he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
