I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
