sarcasm needs its own font
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
