I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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