I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
