I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize