Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
