mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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