This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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