Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
