i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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