I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
