She said her name was "party"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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