I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
