The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize