I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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