OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize