when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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