May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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