How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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