I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
