I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
