if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
