Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
