well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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