I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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