so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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