we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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