never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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