you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
