I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
