Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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