i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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