remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
