I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize