I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
